A disciple-maker can help someone handle conflict with another Christian by encouraging direct communication, humility, careful listening, biblical clarity, and a willingness to forgive. The disciple-maker should resist becoming a partisan messenger who intensifies the dispute.
Hear the Story Carefully
Do not assume the first account contains every relevant detail.
Encourage Direct Conversation
When safe and appropriate, the disciple should speak with the person involved rather than only about them.
Identify the Real Issue
Some conflicts involve sin; others involve preferences, misunderstandings, or personality differences.
Examine Personal Contribution
The disciple may need to repent even if the other person also acted wrongly.
Refuse Gossip
Seeking counsel is different from building a coalition.
Use Scripture Appropriately
Biblical principles should clarify the conflict rather than become weapons.
Pursue Peace Without False Peace
Reconciliation should not require ignoring serious wrongdoing.
Involve Church Leadership When Necessary
Persistent serious conflict may need mediation.
Prepare for the Direct Conversation
Write down the issue, your own contribution, one question you need to ask, and the outcome you hope for. Preparation can keep conflict from becoming either avoidance or uncontrolled accusation.
Conflict Can Become Discipleship
Learning to listen, apologize, forgive, and speak truth in love forms maturity that cannot be learned only through peaceful relationships.